


beat down washed up son of a bitch

by thisdorkyficthing



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Dreams, Feelings, Gen, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Shippy Gen, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 15:33:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18640972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisdorkyficthing/pseuds/thisdorkyficthing
Summary: “You really let mother see you in this sorry state?” A smile creeps on to his face even as he scoffs and shakes his head.“Pathetic.”





	beat down washed up son of a bitch

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Beggar's Song" by Matt Maeson. (and it's really quite fitting for Thor rn imo)
> 
> Also, is anyone else as emotionally compromised from Thor's scene with Frigga as I am? Because I am still SUPER fucked up about it. I won't stop thinking about it for the next four years, guaranteed. Also also I ended up just writing this on a random burst of inspiration and tiredness, so it maybe crammed full of dumb mistakes but OH WELL.

“ _Odin's beard._ ”

Thor snorts as he is jolted awake with a sharp kick to the bottom of his foot. He blinks at his surroundings and the fact that he's on that cliff in Norway does not truly register because all he sees right now is Loki. He's dressed in that black suit he wore on earth ages ago, standing at Thor's bare feet with his arms crossed over his chest. He scrunches his nose at Thor, shaking his head in disapproval.

“You really let mother see you in this sorry state?” A smile creeps on to his face even as he scoffs and shakes his head. “ _Pathetic_.”

Thor scrambles to his feet, barely giving Loki a moment to move his arms before crushing him in the tightest hug he's ever given anyone. He buries his face in to Loki's neck, shamelessly weeping in to his hair.

He only lets go to cup Loki's face in his hands, asking through the lump in his throat, “am I dreaming? Is this really you?”

“Well, you are dreaming,” Loki says, and Thor feels his smile fall. “But this _is_ really me.”

Thor lets his hands fall away, stumbling a few steps back to sit on the boulder they once sat on with their father. Loki sighs, sitting on the rock beside him, close enough their shoulders touch. They look out to the expanse of dark, churning ocean before them, silent for a few long minutes.

“It's not so bad, you know.”

Thor looks away from the ocean to his brother. Loki meets his gaze a moment later, mouth tilted in to a half-smile. “Valhalla,” Loki explains, “the constant feasting gets a bit repetitive for my tastes, but I'm sure you'd enjoy it.”

He glances down at Thor's belly and lets out a huff of laughter. He reaches out to give it a poke that Thor halfheartedly shies away from. “Volstagg would insist on having a contest of some sort with you, and he might finally have a decent opponent.”

Thor laughs and shakes his head, his brother's teasing soothing after not hearing it for so long. “If you came here just to tell me I'm fat, you'll be sad to know that I'm already very aware of it.”

“I just needed to see for myself, after what mother told me.” Loki looks him over, his expression changing in to something close to pity. Thor looks away.

“She remembered that? Even after everything was set back to rights?”

Loki lets out a low chuckle. “She's a tricky one, isn't she?”

Thor smiles, a warmth and fondness filling his heart that he hadn't remember feeling in so long. “She is,” he says, voice gone all rough from another lump taking residence in his throat.

He closes his eyes when he feels Loki pet his hair. He can't remember the last time Loki touched him like this, and any chance he had of keeping himself together is gone with a shiver and a quiet sob.

“I miss you,” he whispers, tears spilling past his shut eyes and rolling hot down his cheeks.

“I miss you too,” Loki says, even more softly. He wipes away the tears on Thor's cheek with the back of his finger, and without thinking Thor takes hold of his wrist, keeping his hand there. Loki indulges him and cups his cheek, his thumb brushing against his eyelashes.

“Can I be honest with you, brother?”

“Are you sure you _want_ to do that?”

Thor finds himself smiling despite the heaviness in his heart. “I left earth wanting to figure out who I am, but it's-” Thor stammers, thoughts in a tangle. “What if I'm just _this?_ ”

Loki grabs at his beard and tugs it until Thor is looking at him again. “You are _Thor_ , that's what you always have been, what exactly _that_ means is up to you.”

“Yes, but-”

The sharp tug on his beard shuts him up. “You're over thinking it,” Loki says, exasperated, “trust your gut, you _do_ have plenty to spare.”

Thor huffs and rolls his eyes.

“I mean it.” Loki stands in front of Thor, grabbing his face with both hands. “Don't overwhelm yourself trying to figure out who you are, you'll be who you need to be.”

“This is oddly helpful of you.”

Loki sighs, “being around you and all those other stupid heroic types has really made me get all soft.”

Thor smiles up at his brother, reaching up to hold his wrist. The world seems to turn around them, things shifting in odd ways.

“You're waking up now,” Loki says, his voice quiet and solemn. Already seeming too far away.

Thor chokes, holding on tighter to his brother. “I don't want to, I'm not ready for you to leave.”

“I know,” Loki says, looking apologetic, “but we must.”

Thor shakes his head.

“You'll be fine, Thor.”

He shakes his head harder as Loki begins to fade and the edges of the world darken.

Something comes to Thor's mind, and his heart beats fast with panic as he scrambles to get the question out. “You said the sun would shine on us again, what did you mean? When will it happen?”

Loki's mouth twitches and his eyebrows raise. “Uh, well, I was hoping you'd figure that one out.”

Thor opens his mouth, lunging forward as Loki's fading image is yanked away from him, his head hitting the metal bunk above him with a loud thunk. He grunts at the throbbing spot on his forehead, sitting up more carefully and ignoring Peter's annoyed grumbling above him.

_I was hoping you'd figure that one out._

Thor laughs at his brother, face in his hands. _But-_

What if he-?

_Could_ he?

Thor gets up with purpose, his mind set on figuring it out.


End file.
